Dear Annie: My ex-husband and I have been officially divorced for only four months, and last week he married the girl he dated all through high school. They began dating immediately after we separated.
My ex and I have a 5-year-old son together. At first, when he began dating, I was very upset, but I assumed his feelings for the other woman would eventually wear off and he'd come back to me. I've never kept our son from him, but I admit, I initially tried to make it hard for him to see our boy. I wanted him to understand that if we got back together, he would be able to spend as much time as he liked with his son. Unfortunately, that didn't stop him from marrying his girlfriend.
I feel that my ex is choosing his new wife over our son and that he should be here for our family. Honestly, isn't he obligated to try to work things out with us for our son's sake? I'm sure everything would be different for us this time. I'm tired of waiting for him to figure it out. Should I just tell him that I want him back?
Heartbroken Single Mother
Dear Heartbroken: Honey, wake up and smell the coffee. Your ex is married to someone else, and he isn't going to “figure it out.” He's moved on. It's over. And it does not speak well of you to withhold your son to punish or manipulate him. This only hurts your child, and we know you don't intend to do that.
You must find a new way to work things out, and it will involve custody, visitation and child support. We urge you to put your son first and make this as easy and as positive for him as you can. And please talk to a counselor. You will need help to accept your current situation and figure out how best to deal with it. We'll be rooting for you.
Dear Annie: A few weeks ago, my husband and I had my great-niece housesit for us while we were in Arizona for two weeks. I truly thought I could trust her, but as the weeks go by, I have discovered that several of my necklaces are missing. None of them is ultra-expensive. It's just the idea that she stole from us.
I haven't said anything to her or to my sister, her grandmother. I don't want to cause a rift in the family. Should I confront her? What do I do if she denies it? We are having a large family gathering soon, and I thought maybe I'd wait to see if she showed up wearing one of my pieces.
Dear Perplexed: First, please make sure this is theft and not something else. Could you have misplaced the necklaces? Might your niece have tried them on and returned them to the wrong place? If you are absolutely certain she took them, you should say something. Instead of an angry confrontation, however, try this: “Melanie, I noticed that several of my necklaces were missing after you stayed in our house. When you are finished borrowing them, please return them.” And of course, don't ever let her housesit again.
Dear Annie: On the subject of post-menopausal women and their desire for sex: Please consider the woman who has given up sex out of sympathy for her husband, who has lost interest due to health issues or erectile dysfunction.
She is still longing for her husband's touch, but he, for selfish reasons, won't even attempt to please her. There are ways he could respond, but he seems to expect that she should simply accept that sex is over.
These are the women who will keep their marriage vows and deny their active libidos. I wish those husbands would give more thought to the women who still love them, no matter what, but would like to feel loved by them, as well.
E.I.M. in Florida
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