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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Two Voyager spacecraft launched by NASA in 1977 are nearing the edge of the solar system. NASA knows they're getting close because last night they briefly lost the KFAB signal.
* This isn't to be confused with the probe launched by Berkshire Hathaway to the end of the solar system to put in a bid to buy the Pluto Tribune.
* The spacecraft will know they've left our solar system when they pass the last Starbucks.
* The spacecraft are going to the end of the solar system in an attempt to find one person who actually admits to buying a Nickelback album.
* A "psychic pig" is now predicting the outcome of European soccer matches. I wonder if this is the same psychic pig that helped Morgan Stanley figure out an accurate price for the Facebook IPO.
* A "psychic pig" is now making predictions before European soccer matches. When you look at how wrong the polls were, I say before the next Nebraska Senate primary, we give the pig a shot at predicting the result.
* There was a big upset in the race for class president at Beveridge Magnet School in Omaha. The heavy favorite was defeated after Joe Ricketts threw his weight behind the opponent.
* A moose was on the loose in the town of Logan, Utah. Wildlife officials couldn't find their tranquilizer gun, so to put the moose to sleep they showed him a Mitt Romney speech.
* The Nebraska athletic department has a new sports nutritionist. I think it was brilliant of her to wait until Yoshi Hardrick used up his eligibility to take the job.
* The Minnesota House of Representatives approved a bill for a new $975 million stadium to keep the Vikings. I'm trying to confirm it was called the "If the Vikings leave, all we got left are the T-Wolves and the Twins - Yikes!" bill.
* The Boston Red Sox beat the Cleveland Indians 12-1 behind five RBIs by Jarrod Saltalamacchia. You know how baseball folks love statistics. Saltalamacchia's game is hailed as the greatest performance in the modern era by a guy whose teammates can't spell his name.