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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Glenn Beck has signed a new radio contract worth $100 million over five years. This means Beck can continue criticizing how hard it is to get ahead during the Obama administration for another half decade.
* In financial news, Warren Buffett bought Texas. Wait, my mistake. I misread the story. Buffett actually bought a Texas newspaper.
* On Wednesday, Omaha Mayor Jim Suttle turned 68. Suttle announced at a big birthday bash at the Old Mattress Factory that he's running for re-election. With the budget situation in Omaha, you'd think he'd have just gone to Denny's for the free meal.
* In Lincoln, a thief stole $400 worth of treats from an ice cream truck. This proves we're a nation of foodies - bad guys are skipping the armored cars and going straight for the ice cream trucks.
* A New Jersey man withdrew from an ATM money that turned out to be counterfeit. In my opinion, this new Federal Reserve stimulus plan leaves a lot to be desired.
* Facebook is considering granting access to users younger than 13. Heard the new Facebook slogan? "You're never too young to waste half a day."
* After actress Kate Winslet said she was sick of hearing Celine Dion's "Titanic" theme, Dion shot back with biting words for Winslet. Is there any way we can skip the Romney-Obama debates to air the Winslet-Dion debate?
* President Obama and Mitt Romney are statistically tied in Iowa. An expert said that polls in this part of the country are usually accurate. I'll tell that to Sen. Bruning when I see him.
* Michele Obama has written a new book about the White House garden. The book contains some great photos of Joe Biden hoeing the tomatoes.
* White House party crasher Tareq Salahi is considering running for governor of Virginia. Every day Joe the Plumber looks a little more like Dwight Eisenhower.
* There is a new cable TV channel for dogs. The dog channel contains programming that appeals to the mentality of a dog. Critters running, butterflies flying, the Longhorn Network ...
* LPGA golfer Natalie Gulbis gave the forecast on the Weather Channel. She had no idea what she was doing, so she fit right in.
* A 14-year-old boy will play in the U.S. Open. When I was 14, the focus of my golf game was on hitting the ball through the windmill.
* Chad Ochocinco has signed with the Miami Dolphins. The addition of Ochocinco will provide the Dolphins with some much-needed tweeting depth.